The Origin Story
It all began in 2020 when I was applying for my PhD at Pardee RAND. I was on the lookout for alumni from whom I could seek advice concerning the application process. Tobi was one of the two people I reached out to.
Below is the first message we exchanged, and I was totally shocked that he wanted me to slide into his WhatsApp DM! “This is supposed to be an email or Google Meet conversation,” I thought to myself. Then, I reached out to him.
I applied for the 2021 cohort but didn’t get in that year after being put on a waiting list. Undeterred, I gave it another try in 2022 and reached out to Tobi again to review my personal statement. As expected, he was kind and helpful. This time, I was admitted…TADA!!!
To this point, I had not met Tobi in person. Then one day in April 2022, he reached out to say he was visiting Lagos, where I lived at the time, and I was super excited about the opportunity to meet him. We met on a Wednesday after a church service, for a brief 10 to 20 minutes. I gave him a small gift, which seemed to touch him. Trust me, I gave the gift with no intentions of starting a relationship. He had been helpful during the application process, and I just wanted to thank him.
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Shortly after, I had to travel to his city of Abuja, for my visa application, and I informed him that I would be in town. He stopped by where I was staying twice, and we had normal yet thoughtful conversations in his car. During this trip, I had the opportunity to spend a full day working in his office. It was fascinating to observe him being himself, as we were just friends and I was in a relationship with someone else at that time.
Fast forward to three weeks before I left Nigeria for LA, Tobi was in Lagos again, coincidentally on a Wednesday. I stopped by after church to say hello. During this visit, he hinted at his feelings for me and even joked, “Are you sure I won’t come to Los Angeles and marry you?” Wow… my man must have had a prophetic insight. He later apologized for the remark, knowing I was in a relationship. When leaving, he gave me a hug that “ministered” to me in a different way. It wasn’t about the intensity of the hug; there was nothing romantic about it at that moment, but, oh, the hug felt incredibly good.
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The hug felt so good that I felt guilty for enjoying it so much. I felt compelled to tell the person I was dating at the time about receiving a hug from Tobi and how it felt different.
We remained good professional friends until late 2023, when we decided to give this relationship a go. At this point, I’ll pause and let Tobi complete the rest of the story in his own words.
I make an obligatory visit to the US every six months, and with each trip, I make sure to check in on Shona, always expressing my regret for not being able to visit Los Angeles. Since her departure, I had followed her Instagram page closely, celebrating her successes along the way. However, when she posted a random picture of herself volunteering with “Habitat for Humanity,” it struck a cord with me and I needed to know if there was a there there. So, for my trip in November 2023, instead of merely expressing my regrets for not visiting LA, I reached out to see if she could meet me in DC. To my surprise, she instantly agreed. Within a week, flights and hotel reservations were made, and we spent three eventful days together in DC.
Three things struck me during our time in DC. First, Shona came with gifts, creatively hiding them around my room for a treasure hunt. Second, her incredible kindness, growth-oriented mindset, and emotional generosity were evident. Third, she was feeling the boy! (On this last point, Shona laughingly suggests you ask Tobi for his evidence.)
I returned to Nigeria, certain of our mutual affection but unsure if it could withstand the 12,000 km and 9-hour time difference between us. However, we kept talking every day, and our affection only grew. The decisive moment came on December 2nd, my mother’s birthday. I was on a trip to Taiwan with a 13-hour layover, and Shona and I spent 7 hours of it on a video call. Considering my usual dislike for long calls, this was a clear sign that what we had was special. We even began making wedding plans that day and got engaged on Shona’s mother’s birthday, January 15th, 2024!
The Proposal
